Local woman, Jacinta Gold has decided to lean into her post-breakup misery by putting on a depressing playlist and eating her weight in takeout food.

It’s alleged the 25-year-old was dealt the blow a mere three weeks ago and was reportedly not taking it well.

After eight months of being in somewhat of a ‘situationship’, Jacinta reports that ‘the vibe had been off’ for a while, and that she hadn’t been surprised when Will had dropped an ‘I’m sorry, I’m not ready for a relationship.’

Though the signs had been there the entire time, including a refusal to take photos together or publicly declaring the relationship on Facebook, Jacinta had willfully ignored them in favour of pretending Will was just shy.

Something of which she’ll realise isn’t true when he gets into a real relationship six months down the track.

For now, all she can do is face the pain head-on and hope that it can somehow fast track her healing process.

Which has so far involved stalking every one of his family members on Facebook, looking up love spells, reading astrology charts and listening to Spotify playlists such as ‘breakup songs to cry to.’

Unfortunately for Jacinta, her commitment to feeling miserable is being frequently interrupted by Spotify ads, which are certainly not ‘15 minutes ad free’ but more like five.

The chirpy, high-pitched voice enthusiastically selling Dr Dre headphones feels oddly out of place wedged between angry breakup songs, and is doing little to add to the sombre mood which Jacinta is determined to stay in.

More to come.


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