ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

In a shocking twist of fate, a local delivery driver has gone about his morning performing his job competently for change, shunning the usual protocol of doing everything half-arsed.

Friesian Fernando, a 26-year-old logistics industry journeyman from Betoota Ponds, said he just ‘woke up on the right side of the bed’ this morning and decided to go out of his way to make sure people received their packages safe and sound.

“Sometimes if I couldn’t be fucked getting out of the van, I’d just say nobody was at home – even if I knew the poor cunt took the morning off work to make sure he was there when it arrived,” he said.

“And I haven’t thrown some expensive bit of kit like a video card or a fishing rod over the back fence to let the dog rip it apart,”

“I’ve actually done a good job this morning. For some unGodly reason, I woke up in a good mood this morning and chose to not be a handbrake on society. Hope it continues.”

One local resident who had a package delivered by the man with a cow’s name this morning said he was ‘very surprised’ but how chipper he was.

Which is something rare in delivery drivers, says French Quarter man Grenk Hartigan.

“He knocked on the door, asked if he was talking to ‘Grenk’ and I said yep!”

“Then he asked me to sign, checked the signature with the one on my Amex and bid me a happy morning. I was in awe of that unit. Such friendliness,”

“He’s better than the other bloke who, despite it telling him not to bend the envelope, folded my university degree in half and jammed it through the mail slot. I damn near stroked and died there and then in the hallway when I saw it. Fuck I was cross. I put my fists through the fucking drywall, I booted the little table in the hall clear into the living room. I threw my backpack across the room, it caught the light on the ceiling and ripped it out; the laptop inside the back slipped out through the zipper and crashed against the wall, breaking it into two pieces. Threw the remote at the OLED and cracked it! Shit, I was cross!”

“So it’s nice to have a driver like Friesian once in a while, you know what I’m saying?”

The Advocate reached out to M R & Son’s Courier Service for comment but they said they’d investigate and get back to us in 8-10 working days.

More to come.


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