ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

After the roaring success of their salute to the HMS Supply the other day, the Royal Australian Navy has called on our nation’s youngsters who are considering a career throwing it the fuck back for Her Majesty to join the navy.

Nursing a semi and a wry smile, Vice Admiral Winston Coleman explained to our reporters today that there has been a lot of interest in the new role and training facilities have already been set up around the country.

“Once upon a time, submarines uses to be based at HMAS Platypus down in Sydney Harbour,” he said.

“Now, it will be our new base to teach cadets how to shake their ass [sic], crump their body and twerk their tooshie [sic] off. It’s a new dawn for the Navy and I’m looking forward to it,”

“Once upon a time, the Navy’s most elite fighting force was members from our Clearance Diver community. Now, with the looming threat of China, our Throwing It Back Specialists will be on the front lines shaking their fucking asses for the nation. For Queen and for country. Urgh, fuck. I’m so hot up in this bitch. This uniform is like wearing a plastic bag. Fuck me, I’m so bothered and steamy hot up in this fucking bitch. Eurgh. Fuck my face, somebody hit me.”

Our reporter elected to hang up the phone.

More to come.


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