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As Australia’s agricultural-centric political party remains undecided on whether or not they are willing to take action against the number one threat to agriculture, it appears things have gotten a little testy in the meeting room today.
In a bizzare turn of events, the Federal Government is unable to weasel their way out of an inconvenient situation, after Scotty From Marketing agreed to fly to Glasgow to meet with all of the other world leaders that have been pressuring him to sign up to Net Zero carbon emissions.
After being pressed by both Prince Charles, President Biden and The Queen – Scotty From Marketing is now being forced to pretend he hasn’t spent the last two decades pretending climate change is a myth created by lefties who want to ruin the economy.
However, it seems the conservative climate denialists that he’s brought with him into government aren’t that willing to backflip for a photo with Boris Johnson and David Attenborough.
As the rest of the world waits to hear from the 21 bush-drunk MPs and senators that make up the coalition’s pro-mining National Party, the Prime Minister has absolved himself from any of the flak that would come with signing up to Net Zero – while also being able to take all the credit.
After days of intense discussions, it seems the Nats are no closer to a decision. Which probably means the answer is no, they just don’t want to announce that publicly because it will look a lot like a government in crisis and put even more egg on Scotty’s face than he had when he flew to Hawaii during record breaking bushfires.
Unless something changes in the next couple days, this also means the PM will have to fly over to Glasgow empty-handed, where he will but the butt of hundreds of snarky comments from people much more important than him.
Scotty initially turned down the offer to fly to Glasgow, citing the two weeks quarantine back home would put him out of work again.
However, NSW Premier Dominic Perrottet has since announced that quarantine is no longer mandatory for overseas arrivals from November 1, which could also be interpreted as a shot at Morrison.
It seems day 3 of the National Party debates have not covered anymore ground in the pursuit of Net Zero, with a brawl breaking out moments ago over Monte Carlos versus Kingstons.
“Kingstons all the way!” says LNP member George Christensen.
“Are you fucked in the head mate?” yells Darren Chester MP.
Barnbaby Joyce throws his two cents in.
“I don’t agree with Darren on anything but he’s got ya here George. Monte Carlos are by far the best”
“Oh get fucked” yells Senator Canavan.
At time of press, Parliament House security was rushing into the Nationals meeting room to break up the 21 hungover ministers and backbenchers.
“Can’t you see what he’s doing to us gentleman!” screams Bridget McKenzie.
“This is what the Prime Minister wants!!!”
“For us to turn on each other and let him off scot-free!”