LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT

Father of three Glen Keiver (55) has regaled his children with some ‘cautionary’ tales from his youth which has resulted in him confessing to several rather serious crimes in the process.

After a precious gem of a family dinner, Keiver kept the good times going by giving his children an unprompted anthology of his misspent youth growing up in a suburb he swears used to be much rougher.

“So while Owen had hogtied the crossing guard, I went in and removed several feet of track and a couple of sleepers just to be sure,” stated Keiver, as his children pieced together that their own flesh and blood might be responsible for Betoota’s greatest ever railway disaster.

“See this is before you could just film things on your phone so we knew we had to get a good look at it!”

Keiver then delivered the punchline of the story which involved him missing the railway disaster that tore the fabric of his small community apart as he was busy making sexual advances towards his passed out cousin.

“Jesus Christ,” stated Keiver’s eldest daughter, Ellie.

“He just admitted to a good deal of things that carry a prison sentence. It was like that song Dance With The Devil but all that shit was actually real!”

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