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Dad is now at that age where trivial things such as fence lines, garden aesthetics and airspace above fence lines take up almost 80% of his life.
After years of going to war with the local council while he was renovating, dad is now content with his castle and has turned his laser onto the next-door neighbour, a man just as unwilling to avoid confrontation as he is.
While it does seem like mum is adding fuel to the fire by telling dad he is completely right about the leaves that land in the backyard during winter, it seems that without any female intervention both men would have murdered each other in cold blood by now.
“Go outside now and have a fucking look at what that stupid old prick has done with his passionfruit tree” says dad after a few tins.
“He’s put a high-vis net over it. Like he’s worried about fruit bats of something. It’s a fucking eyesore”
With a holiday road-trip booked in August, neighbours and siblings say they can’t wait for dad to get out of the house and find something else to do.