ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

The ‘Pharaoh of the Betoota Pool Building Industry’ has told reporters today that he’s yet to find a better Facebook display picture than the one of him and singer-songwriter Richard Clapton.

Dennis Gooch, owner of Gooch Noodle & Pool, said the photo was taken in 2016 or 2017 and since then, it’s been unbeatable.

The father of four explained that you only want the best photo of you as your display picture – because it’s the first impression a lot of people have of you.

“It’s Richard Clapton,” he said.

“Sydney’s Elvis. The Dee Why Roy Orbison. He’s the King, man. If you were around in the 70s, there wasn’t a bigger star than Richard Clapton,”

“But it’s not like I’ve been hunting for a better photo, either. Like, there’s a few strong contenders. There’s that one of me with my arm around Stuart MacGill as he projectile vomits a half-bottle of pinot noir onto a Sydney street back in 2018. It stunk, too, by the way,”

“Then there’s the photo of my with the kids and the wife riding the same elephant in Thailand. Chang Mai, I think it was. We got the train up on the tracks my old man kindly built for the Japanese on his working holiday to Thailand in the 40s,”

“Before the Richard Clapton one, it was a photo of me and the wife when we were both 25. Fuck we were good looking. Now look at me, I look like a basketball that’s been left on the garage roof for ten years. The wife still looks the same [laughs] Nah, it’s all good,”

“So yeah, must be a slow news day if you’ve driven all the way up to Betoota Grange to ask this old sex machine about his Facebook display picture, huh?”

Our reporter agreed and clicked the recorder off.

Dennis and The Advocate then enjoyed a cold Gold at his home tiki bar beside the oversized kidney-shaped pool.

More to come.


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