ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A Former Prime Minister of Australia has conceded today that he has once again found himself on the wrong side of history as a close, personal friend of his inside the Catholic church is found guilty of child sex offences.

Tony Abbott told journalists today from outside his Upper East Side home down in Sydney that he hopes the depraved sex crimes of his ex-best friend, George Pell, don’t harm his chances of being reelected to parliament.

“I regret calling Cardinal Pell a friend of mine. Regardless, it would, ah, be quite inconvenient if I, ah, lost this upcoming election,” said Abbott.

“But, ah. Need I remind you that Malcolm Turnbull is also a Catholic. He became a ‘rock chopper’ as he describes, to get married,”

“If, ah, you ask me. That’s a far worse offence than merely being born one. How about that for a headline, guys!”

Mr Abbott cleared his throat.

“Harbourside Rock Chopper Denies Being Caught In Rock Spider’s Web!”

A reporter/cameraman/soundman from Sky News doubled over in laughter and let out a small, conservative fart.

As the rest remained silent, the former Prime Minister took that has a hint to go back inside to work on his Giant road bike.

More to come.


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