ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Prime ministerial hopeful and latchkey Victorian, Clive Palmer, fronted reporters this afternoon with a puzzled, sad and confused look on his face as he regaled all who were there at his Brisbane presser about his latest run-in with a body care product.

The 65-year-old said he’d recently acted on a ‘curious desire’ he’d had for some time.

He says it was a mystery that nearly every red-blooded Australian male would be able to relate to – do their partner’s skincare and shampoos taste as good as they smell?

Clive made special reference to shea butter and how he became to be consumed by its enchanting musk.

“I just had to know,” explained Palmer.

“So once my wife had left to go down the shops, I slinked down the hall and into the loo. There it was, staring back at me as intensely as I was staring at it. The forbidden shea,”

“A pint of intoxicated smells and gooey goodness. What a delicious treat you must be. So, when I was sure I was alone, I popped off the ezy-squeeze top and put the end to my pursed lips. Then, I took a deep breath and squeezed the shea until it’s contents slapped the back of my throat like a dollop of vomit colliding with a Caxton Street footpath on a midsummer’s night,”

“I was in ecstasy. Until my taste buds brought me back to reality.”

All of a sudden, a team of waiters rushed the room with small sample servings of shea butter for each reporter to sample themselves.

“I want you all to taste what I tasted so you can describe the feeling accurately to your readers!” yelled Palmer.

“Take special note of the chemical after taste! I was very saddened and upset to learn that it didn’t taste as good as it smelled. Very sad!”

The Advocate acknowledges that Palmer’s opinion of the shea butter is correct and our news media organisation echoes Mr Palmer’s sentiments on it.

More to come.


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