ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

After nearly a decade of smoking, drinking and sitting behind a desk, a local city worker decided enough was enough and signed up to a franchise 24-hour gym down the street from his Betoota Heights display home.

Yesterday, Dylan Millmott had his first spin class and from all reports, it nearly claimed his life.

Walking home from the gym last night, the 26-year-old enjoyed what he said was going to be his last John Player Special – but he had one this morning.

However, he saved it for after his second-ever spin class this morning.

The strong-yet-comically-weak-will-powered Gemini spoke to The Advocate this morning at the D45 bus stop in Danish Town, where he explain that after his spin class this morning, he feels he can take on the Ninja Warrior obstacle course.

“I know it’s the worst show on television – and anybody who enjoys watching it should be put to sleep with a pneumatic bolt like the one from No Country For Old Men and their organs given to people who’d put them to better use,” he started.

“But I reckon I’d be competitive. My trainer at Panther Pump said if I sign up to the HIIT programme with the meal deal from the cafe inside the gym, I could be on Ninja Warrior in just six short weeks,”

“I’ve been shopping at føtex, making sure I only get the freshest produce. No processed food at all. No beer, no ketamine and certainly no full-strength coke! What do you think?”

Our reporter agreed then Dylan put his headphones on.

More to come.


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