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As experts warn housing inequality and intergenerational poverty is increasing in Australia, there seems to finally be a plan to address the fact that the Australian property market has been manipulated to the point that nearly 90% of Australian’s under the age of 40 cannot ever see themselves owning a home.

There are calls for a national housing policy involving all levels of government, rather than just politicising alcohol-fuelled-violence and shutting down entire inner-city nightlife precincts so that developers can build high-rise apartments to be sold to foreign investors site unseen.

While many aspiring first-home-buyers hoped that the closed borders of the pandemic would keep overseas money out of the market long enough for them to over-leverage themselves for the rest of their lives on a two-bedder in the outer-metropolitan fringe – the market never cooled.

That’s because Australians quickly realised that people who would usually spend 50 grand a year on overseas holidays actually have nothing to do but scroll Domain during a lockdown to further pad their nest eggs for the fuck of it.

And now, considering the lack of willingness of any form of a compromise from Australian baby boomers who think they are geniuses for having the foresight to see that properties become more valuable when only 20% of the population own all of them, a new strategy has been formulated to tackle the most urgent social issue facing our country. Housing.

The plan is, basically, to bulldoze as much green space as possible in all of the major cities, to make room for millions of soul-crushing project homes with no trees or airflow.

Golf courses and the excessive private school and university campuses are unfortunately a no-go zone, and majority of the waterfront councils in Australia would rather declare a civil war before they allow any buildings over 4 floors high on headlands or harbours.

Unfortunately for the kangaroos and koalas, this now means that the last option to build on is the last remaining nature reserves.

Experts hope that even with the ferocious appetite that Australia’s property investors have for buying homes they don’t need, the oversupply of shitty McMansions in made-up new suburbs will mean that younger dual-income households can still get into the market for under 1 million, with the help of their parents.

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