IMRAN GASHKORI | Sport | Contact

A French Quarter woman has set her sights on the Hardelot Les Pins public golf course on Rue de Branlette, telling a local council meeting last night that the grounds should be repurposed into a park she’ll never use.

Speaking from the heart last night, Nadine Gilbert said that while Hardelot Les Pins isn’t fenced or gated in any way, she still doesn’t like the fact that people are enjoying themselves.

Mrs Gilbert said that there’s a ‘dire shortage’ of public green spaces in the French Quarter – partly due to the fact that our corrupt shire council took bribes from property developers to plonk giant apartment complexes on sites that once only had a dozen or so people living there.

Originally from Betoota Grove, one of our town’s leafiest and most exclusive enclaves, Ms Gilbert said she moved into the French Quarter because of how affordable it is for someone who works in the arts and the traditionally bohemian lifestyle.

But people like Nadine have all but priced French Qaurter locals out of their own suburb.

Many have been forced to move to Betoota Ponds or the Flight Path District, both of areas that do not speak the Betootanese Creole that many original French Quarter residents speak as a first language.

“Only a small amount of people get to use the golf course, it’s exclusive and goes against my watered down Marxist beliefs,” she told council.

“Golfers are often old, white men, a group of people who are a cancer on society. Trust me, I’m married to one!”

“The amount of times my friends have told me that they’ve almost been hit by a golf ball, I reckon it could be hundreds. The sooner we re-wild Hardelot Les Pins back to nature, the better. Think of all the things we could turn it into! Soccer fields, electric barbecues, bike tracks! Pork pie hat shops for all the quirky dads married to high-income public servants who support their bassoon quartet,”

“The possibilities are endless.”

Mayor Councillor Keith Carton then moved a motion to ban Mrs Gilbert from all further council meetings, which was married unanimously.

More to come.


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