ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

The Grade 1 hiking trails around town are quivering in fear this afternoon as a breeding pair of local Baby Boomers have celebrated the Coalition election victory by treating themselves to fresh pair of Merrell boots – each.

Greg and Bucket Heimans were losing sleep earlier this month because the prospect of Bill Shorten and his troupe of inner-city Bjelke-Petersen apologists winning the election would’ve meant their plans for retirement probably would’ve change.

However, now that Bill has been thrown into the same annal of history as Simon Crean, Mark Lathan and Kim Beazley, the 70-year-old’s can rest easy once agian.

Speaking to The Advocate this afternoon while they sat in boot of their late-model Land Rover Discovery lacing up their new Merrells, the Gemini and Leo laughed as they described the sense of relief they felt last Saturday night.

“My oh my,” said Greg, a semi-retired author.

“I thought we were going to have to go back to work!”

Bucket too was pleased her nest egg is finally safe from the asylum seekers and the big government that defends their rights to commit acts of terror once they arrive here in Australia.

However, she’s not content with just a new pair of hiking boots.

“I’m looking at the new 2020 Subaru Outback,” she said.

“It’s not like I need a new car, it’s just that now Scott is back in charge, I can afford some luxuries. I’ve worked hard my whole life and I think I deserve to treat myself. The Liberals understand that, which is why I voted for the Liberal Democrats,”

“Are you going to join us on the hike?”

Our reporter indicated that he would not be.

More to come.


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