ERROR PARKER | Editor-at-large |Contact

The Federal Health Minister has recommended the states and territories roll back restrictions on wedding numbers today provided each guest brings their own banknotes.

Greg Hunt explained to the media this afternoon in Canberra that many of the coronavirus infections that happened earlier this year at parties and weddings were traced back to guests sharing banknotes and locking themselves in disabled toilets.

“We’ve discovered that up to four people at a time were going inside confined spaces like public toilets and passing banknotes around,” said Mr Hunt.

“I must be getting old but I haven’t got the slightest idea why young people do this type of stuff [laughs] Back in my day, we’d just stand around in circles and drink beer while we all took turns telling stories and politely laughing at them,”

“But yes, nearly all the transmissions came from people sharing banknotes so if we eliminate that risk by forcing people to bring their own notes to the party, then people should be allowed more guests,”

“And if you do need to join a friend in a toilet for some reason, be it to watch them defecate to fulfil some wonton sexual desire or to simply help them do it, then try to limit it to two people in a toilet at one time.”

The news has been slammed by many brides around the country, who’ve used coronavirus as an excuse to cull their fiance’s deadshit townie mates from the guestlist.

Our reporter tried to find one for comment but none would go on the record.

More to come.


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