In a bid to curb his reputation for being less proactive, more reactive, Scott Morrison has decided to launch an entire siege of less important countries to pillage RATs, should his extremely urgent and unforeseen $62 million order take too long to deliver.

The brilliant idea, which occurred after having a war movie themed sleepover with Dutton, prompted Scott to suggest using the tanks for a test spin, after a nail biting Sherman vs Tiger scene had them on the edge of their seats. 

As the two of them had giggled and paused the movie to chase each other around the living room making gun noises, a delirious Dutton had agreed there was another way they could make use of the artillery while they waited for China to invade – staging a mini invasion of their own.

Clearing the salt and vinegar chips off the table to make way for a plan, Scott had used the back of a letter to draft up a map of Australia, which he quickly scrunched up into a ball after only managing to accurately label Tasmania.

Agreeing that New Zealand and Papua New Guinea were prime candidates, given they were the only countries Scott could think of at the top of his head, the two agreed that taking the tanks for a little siege spree was a much better idea than stationing a tank in front of Australian landmarks – which Dutton learned was a good defence strategy, after playing Age of Empires 2.

Pausing to assess how on earth they’d even transport the vehicles across the water, Dutton briefly theorised that tanks weren’t the most practical military investment for an island, and asked Scott if there was any room left in the budget for some battleships instead.

More to come.


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