ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A French Quarter man who feels he’s intellectually above The Weekend Advocate Quiz has revealed a hidden love for signing into local businesses with crude and unfunny fake names.

Derek Coleman also went on the record during a phonecall with our reporter this afternoon saying anti-maskers are ‘dumb’.

“As if you wouldn’t wear a mask,” he said. “

“It’s a basic level of protection.”

However, when it was put to him that perhaps signing into businesses using a fake name and a fake number might also be equally as dumb, Coleman rejected that.

“It’s classic,” he said.

“Ophelia Dick! Get it?”

Our reporter got it but pushed the issue further.

What happens if a positive case comes into the business and all the contract tracer has to work with is ‘Peter Hardcock’ and a phone number for a 75-year-old Perth-based pensioner?

“It’s a pain in my fucking giant arse, mate. That’s what it is,” said local contract tracer, Maggie Dearden.

“You might as well not write anything at all. Because we have to go back through the security footage and cross-reference your face with the national face scan database. We have to get warrants, talk to the AFP and our friends in the intelligence community,”

“You get the picture. Leaving fake names is dumb and makes you a giant fuckwit. Don’t do it.”

More to come.


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