WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT
The global community is this week trying to wrap its head around what the future holds after a big week in international diplomacy.
With Europe frantically trying to figure out a way to stop Russia permanently expanding its territory West, and the United States halting all aid to Ukraine – the world is wondering what it all means.
The huge shift in global relations comes as America tries on the weirdest rebrand since that nerdy kid from school became a power lifting bro.
Despite having a history as the most blood thirsty aggressive colonial power since France and England hung up the boots, America is currently trying to convince the world it HATES war.
Popping up in comment sections everywhere after US President Trump and Vice President JD Vance claimed they want to stop the ‘war’ in Ukraine, Americans are now apparently anti-war.
This comes in the face of the world now feeling as close to World War as it did when the Soviets and the Yanks were big dicking it back in the day.
“What so your pro-war are you?” asked the local office Yank when quizzed about the re-brand.
He then refused to comment on his country’s long running habit of waging wars on other countries, overthrowing governments, staging coups, installing regimes, and funding brutal dictators who ensure American companies can pillage at will (see modern history of Central America, South America, South East Asia, Central Asia, Africa and the Middle East for reference).
“Americans are sick of the war and funding conflict,” said the local American, whose current leader has increased defence budget’s every single year he’s been in power – and has ramped up support for the Rwandan militia currently butchering people in the Congo.
“The rest of the world can waste their money on pointless wars, but we are done,” continued the bloke who’s country is involved in at least 10 different conflicts around the globe right now, in the name of ensuring ‘America’s interests’ are looked after.
When asked what his stance on war will be if Zelenskyy agrees to hand over enough critical minerals to ensure certain electric vehicle companies remain profitable and the US reconfirms it’s aid for Ukraine, he called our reporter an idiot.
No more to come.
