RORY SALAZAR | Finance | Contact

There have been positive developments for the strategic interests of Australia after Albo’s recent trip to the subcontinent, it has been said.

The leaders of the two countries met recently and talked up massive strengthening of security and economic ties that will no doubt see our two great lands share many fond memories now and into the long term future.

Talking to the Advocate via wireless telephone as he jetted across the lower stratosphere in some humungous airbus, Albo said he believes the future is bright for our two countries.

“Modes is keen to spice things up with us,” he said over the roar of engines. “Negotiations went well, and we’re both willing to compromise to find equal benefit.”

However, while negotiations were undertaken in good faith there was one item that Albo refused to compromise on: Cricket pitches.

“Me and Modes rocked up in a chariot to the Ahmedabad test, and I saw the pitch with my own eyes,” Albo said with a tremble in his voice. “Don’t print this but some of the cracks were so dry and wide you could lose your keys in the bloody thing,” he confided in us only.

The blatant pitch doctoring that went on during the first few tests of the recent Australia v India test series sparked the theory that the Indian pitch curators conspired against what was a left-handed heavy Australian batting line up.

Albo told the Advocate he broached the subject with President Modi, who quickly moved to dispel the rumours.

“Our boys were just better prepared to bat on spinning pitches,” Albo said in Modi’s voice as he regaled us with their conversation.

“You Aussies have always been sore losers.”

As it happens, Albo is a great impersonator. And while the Advocate did not get a chance to hear it, Albo advised he can also do an excellent Joe Biden.

Getting back to the story at hand, Albo said: “I looked Modes straight down the guts and said, ‘mate, you can forget any improvements to trade or security unless you promise to fix those bloody pitches’.”

According to our PM, President Modi tried to weasel out of it, but in the end agreed over a handshake that next time the Aussies are in town, the pitches will be the same for everybody. 

Time will tell.


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