ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A polite man from Sydney’s rapidly expanding gentrification belt is set to become the Opposition Leader in coming weeks as his only real opponent in the race decided to drop out this afternoon.

Labor insiders have revealed to The Advocate today that the Member for Grayndler, Anthony Albanese, has been selected to lead the party to the next election because he has the best track record with NewsCorp.

NewsCorp, a right-wing think tank that owns a number of glorified newsletters around the country, has ultimately decided who leads this country in recent times so selecting a leader than isn’t in their shit book is considered to be a ‘no-brainer’.

Our reporter spoke to Mr Albanese a short time ago via telephone where he said he was ready to take on the dorky dad.

“Oh yes, we’ve all come to an agreement,” said Albo.

“I’m going to lead the party to the next election and that’s that. I’ve got a pretty good relationship with the papers. People in my area like me. I can speak to a whole range of people from all walks of life. I’ll be the first Labor leader who can speak Cloncurry Creole, Bob Katter’s first language. So in the event I need to form a minority government at the next election, we’ll have him on our side,”

“That and I’m not afraid of NewsCorp because NewsCorp ran a campaign to save me once, so there’s that. It should be good.”

The Advocate reached out to NewsCorp for comment but received yet another envelope with a suspicious white powder in it that made our mailroom clerk’s lungs very itchy.

More to come.


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