JASON BARRY | Victorian Leg Tennis | Contact

When most average kids are busy doing regular things like watching cartoons, there’s a select few children with incredibly rare abilities who spend their days blowing the lid right off what we thought was possible to achieve as a species.

These kids are our prodigies. They are the Mozarts of the world, the Picassos. And on the weekend, Australia just got itself a new one.

His name is Cruse Quaylore. A 7yr old Auskicker who as of this morning entered into the Auskick record books for an inspirational feat that could only have been achieved by someone with exceptionally rare talent.

Down at the Seddon Auskick Centre, dozens of parents witnessed the silky-skilled maestro pull off the impossible. The young prodigy was unstoppable. For a boy of only 7, he showed unbelievably electric pace, fierce competitiveness, and an insatiable appetite for goal.

He could not be touched. Nor could he hear the protests coming from his teammates, the umpire, and after about 6 of his 16 goals, even his parents who were pleading with the crazed child to stop what he was doing immediately.

But Quaylore was possessed by some kind of AFL devil. He ignored all of the noise around him, instead using his laser-like focus to brutalise his opponents and kick goal after frightful goal.

His unmatched skills saw him be the first and only Auskick player to ever kick 16 goals in a single game.

It’s just that they were all kicked down the wrong end. Meaning he was fucking up the game for everybody else.

While it was embarrassing, his Mother Clare was philosophical about it all. “I want to say it’s just a case of white line fever, but the kid is like this at home too.

We can’t control the little shit,” she said with resignation. “We’ve tried to get him diagnosed for all sorts of neurodiversity, but the thresholds are so high.”

The Advocate tried to interview the raw athlete, but the boy could not sit still long enough to answer a simple question like ‘how old are you?’ or ‘do you like footy?’

The future hall of famer just keep spinning his eyeballs around in their sockets screaming, “I can hold my breath for 60 minutes, watch!”

More to come.


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here