ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Former Prime Minister Tony Abbott almost had his morning hijacked yesterday when he ran into the parade of mediocrity and early-onset dementia that is Warringah candidate Katherine Deves’ campaign.

“Not these freaks again,” Abbott said to himself.

“I can’t go anywhere anymore.”

Mr Abbott has been noticeably absent from the Deves campaign, partly because he says he’s retired but mostly because he thinks anyone associated with that campaign has “white dog shit in their head where their brain should be”.

Speaking to this masthead today, Mr Abbott explained that he just wants to get on with his life.

“It’s a real freakshow, I’d rather spend the night at Hope St Radio in black tie having dinner with Andrew Bolt and Sam Newman. Honestly. Look, I really wish her the best but you just can’t be saying the things she’s saying in today’s world. I mean, how dumb are you?”

However, when asked if he agreed with Scott Morrison’s captain’s call in putting Deves into Warringah, Abbott sighed.

“Mate, to tell you the truth, I’ve just lost interest in it all. Being Prime Minister used to be considered an act of service, second only to being the Test captain. Nowadays, you’ve got a Prime Minister who’d sell Granny to the Germans to stay being Prime Minister and a Test captain with blue eyes,”

“What next?”

More to come.


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here