In a year so shitty that regional journalists have no shortage of ways to describe the true extent of its shitiness, one man thinks 2021 was bad enough for him to actually enjoy himself on New Year’s Eve.

Jay Davenport (32) of the Betoota Flight Path District had such a shitty year that he decided to absolutely send it this NYE and enjoy himself.

Not normally one for big celebrations, Davenport’s previous NYE celebrations included a quiet one with work mates and cooking dinner with his missus, both of which he did while the Channel 9 fireworks coverage played in the background.

“One year I went camping,” stated Davenport, referring to a simpler time when 2016 was objectively the worst year of everyones life.

“But it rained a lot so we went to sleep at 12:01 am.”

Now sans colleagues & sans missus, Davenport is ready to farewell this dog’s arse of a year by getting blind enough to enjoy himself, instead of the usual sweating and fretting he does most of the time on December 31st.

“How could next year possibly be any worse? After no overseas travel for two years, a weekend in Wollongong might as well be a year in Shangri-la.” 

“Any illness I get next year will be way more treatable than my ex’s recent bout of being anti-vaxx and any money I make will be considerably more than the pocket piss recovery payments I was able to get from Scotty. And if my parents die, at least I’ll have a fucking foot on the ladder.”

“So guys either open a beer or get the fuck out.”


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