The new and improved Kevin Walters has front media today to explain that last night’s win did nothing for him, as he expected it, because Queensland were by far the better team.

Queensland came from behind to claim 18-14 win over New South Wales in Brisbane for Game I, after a Dane Gagai double try and months of creepy language psychology.

52,191 die-hard fans were treated to a spectacle that Kevy knew was always on the cards, because, nothing against the non-Queenslander opposition, but he’s trying this new thing called positivity.

The employment of prominent mind coach and possible snake oil salesman, Bradley Charles Stubbs, has resulted in the circling of many rumours that Kevy might be having a manic episode, but last night’s ‘Expect to Win’ philosophy seems to have paid off.

The ‘coach whisperer’ has earned every one of the $5000 he gets paid per hour last night, and Walters has done his part by never once referring to the opposition by name.

When asked if he was happy with the result, Kevy said happiness is a state of mind, and he’s always happy, and it’s hard not to be when you are the coach of the superior footballing team in the most celebrated footballing clash in the history of the game.

“The Non-Queenslander opposition side played as well as they could have against the superior team of men that I was coaching” he said.

“The bottom line is, we were always going to be winners and the Blues weren’t”


“Don’t print that last bit. Let me try again”

“The bottom line is, we were always going to be winners and they weren’t”

“And by ‘they’, I mean the other side. The ones not wearing Maroon. The team we were playing against, last night”


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