After successfully evading the wrath of two Royal Commissions, the mass resignations of female Liberal MPs and record-breaking dip in approval ratings, former Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull has today sent a special thank you to his mates at the Eastern Suburbs District Rugby League Football Club.

According to sources in the front office of the Roosters Leagues, an undisclosed donation was delivered to the club this morning with a card addressed by Malcolm and Lucy Turnbull.

It read as follows.

“To my mighty Chooks!

Thank you so much for teaching me the art of the hospital pass. It has come in very handy over the last few months – and as you may know I have been able to maintain dignity in the eyes of my community by sending it just above his head.

Reckon he’s broken a couple ribs? Hahaha

Better give him a HIA [head injury assessment] – but don’t ask him who the Prime Minister is hahaha. Not even he’ll be able to remember that

Anyway, it was an honour to have represented you fellas. I always appreciated the chance to met constituents who actually had a working class upbringing.

Kind regards and let’s go back to back,

Mal and Lucy.

P.s how fucked is rugby union in this country bahaha. Chooks for life!”

The Sydney Roosters, who find themselves in a similar situation to the former Prime Minister, after only just managing to avoid a wave of scandals throughout the off-season, have released a statement saying it was a pleasure to help their local member and sucked in to the Sea Eagles and the Sharks because their Prime Minister is the only one not covered in mud this week.


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