The Sydney Roosters have shocked the greater NRL community today by announcing that they’ve signed a new footballer who hasn’t even won a premiership at another club, or even a Dally M.

The player, 31-year-old Levi Parsonson, has been a mainstay of mid-season NRL for the last decade – playing for both Wests Tigers, Penrith Panthers, pre-Wayne Bennett Newcastle and most recently the Gold Coast Titans.

While Levi isn’t that bad at football, he definitely isn’t that good. Which is why his new contract with the Sydney Roosters is of such interest.

As the only Australian professional rugby league football club that has ever existed in the Eastern Suburbs of Sydney. The Roosters are one of the oldest and most successful teams in the NRL – which comes as a surprise to outsiders considering they are based in the half-hearted Sydney Swans heartland of Bondi.

Aside from their tried and true model of signing Kiwis who are taking sabbaticals from the All Blacks, The Roosters are also well known for not signing anyone who hasn’t won a premiership, or who isn’t tipped to be the next big Dally M winner.

When asked why Levi Parsonson is even getting a look in for an 18-month contract, which may be the last club of his career, a spokesperson for the Roosters said it’s because they are trying this new thing of paying less money for half-decent players that make up numbers.

“We know it’s bold. But we are always big on trying new things here. Like the time we decided to poach Cooper Cronk and Tedesco in the same financial. That kind of flagrant talent-poaching hasn’t been done before”

When asked for comment about the extremely out-of-character olive branch that the Roosters have extended to him, Levi says he’s always wanted to drive a Ranger.


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