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A recent report by the AIS has found that the main reason that Super Rugby is struggling is not because of the fact that most of our talent is in Japan or France, but because all of their fans are trapped in hell.
This comes as the dwindling Australian rugby fan base criticises one of our three good players, Israel Folau, after the Wallabies popped off again with anti-gay comments on Instagram post last night.
The once legendary Maroons star called for “drunks, homosexuals, adulterers, liars, fornicators, thieves, atheists and idolaters” to repent for their sins or else “hell awaits” them.
Media and fans are today reeling from his comments, with many saying that they can’t believe a 30-year-old man who has spent his entire life between praying at Church and playing full contact football – would have such archaic opinions
However, as inappropriate as these comments are, they have provided great insight into why Super Rugby is struggling in Australia.
In a caption, Folau added: “Those that are living in Sin will end up in Hell unless you repent. Jesus Christ loves you and is giving you time to turn away from your sin and come to him.”
“Ahhh. It all makes sense” says Raelene Castle, head of the ARU.
“All our fans are in hell”
“Like, take a look at the average rugby union fan, and tell me they don’t take part in that kind of behaviour on a weekly basis.
One sexually fluid hedonistic rugby union fan spoke to our reporters early today, over a 11:30 am schooner at the Lord Kidman Hotel in Betoota’s finance district.
“I thought that might be the case” said Angus Huntingly-Hopscotch (35, stockbroker).
“But you know, it’s hard to know whether you are actually in hell, or it just feels that way because the Wallabies haven’t won the Bledisloe since 2002”
“Oh well. Personally, I find the cocaine helps. Izzy should get back on that stuff and he might relax a bit”