WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet |CONTACT
In an incredible code crossover, the Rugby Australia (RA) has today offered it’s services to the AFL.
The move comes as the AFL grapples with it’s crowd management problems, including the backlash from some corners for a crackdown on fan behaviour and the almost weekly handbags thrown in the stands.
With Victorian Football icon Joffa Corfe announcing he is boycotting the AFL until the crackdown issue is sorted, Rugby Australia has popped up with some helpful advice.
“Today we generously reached out to help our rival code with their crowd issues,” explained RA Spokesperson Ian Corr-Harris-Smithson.
“We told them, the best way to sort out crowd behaviour issues, is to make sure you don’t have a crowd at all,” laughed the ex-Wallaby who couldn’t be bothered to cut his teeth at some broking firm in the CBD so took a job at Rugby Australia.
“They can’t play up if they aren’t there at all.”
Corr-Harris-Smithson explained that it might sound like an easy thing to do, but it would take a lot of work from the AFL, so he spent some time walking them through it.
“You need to work on it gradually over an extended period of time,” he explained to AFL boss Gillon McLachlan.
“Start by stacking the organisation that runs your game with as many ex-players on big salaries as possible in an effort to incompetently run it into the ground.”
“Then continue moving as many forms of the game as possible off free-to-air television while you tinker with the format as much as you can to ensure the general public lose interest.”
“Then as narratives around the game and interest in heading to watch it live dwindle, ensure that as little money as possible is invested into grassroots, so it becomes played at an increasingly small number of elite private schools with wealthy old boy networks until it begins to get even get superseded by sports like Soccer and Basketball at some.”
“Once you’ve done that, you pretty much should have next to no issues in the crowd whatsoever, because all of the people will regain interest in Club Football, stop attending your games and you won’t have to look after the masses anymore.”
“I know it sounds like a bit of a roundabout way, but if you want the issues fixed, this is your trick.”
The Advocate contacted McLachlan for comment on the issues and was informed that he is currently weighing up the games options and will give a statement in good time.