14 July, 2016. 15:025
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact
Despite having not played a full eighty minutes since 2002, Betoota Dolphins fourth-grade coach Warren “bubba” Fitzsimmons has once again picked himself to start at prop in an elimination final against the Boulia Workers this weekend.
Last week’s closely fought win against the minor premiers was not good enough, according to Bubba – who proceeded to name himself to start in the front row to inject some “experience” into the side.
Last night’s training was for twenty minutes as Bubba insisted the entire club be present during his nostalgic tirade – which included the phrases “gutless cowards” and “spineless fucking grubs” – even going as far as calling out the first grade coach and club chairman for lacking ‘a bit of go’.
The announcement bought awkward stares between coaches and captains in the lower grades, with one trainer even seen to stare at his feet for a while minute to avoid the challenging stares that Bubba was handing out after announcing the team.
One player reported being hit with spittle despite being over “four or five metres” from the aggressive condemnation of the team.
After training, a selection committee member told Betoota journalists that Bubba had flexed his muscle in the section meeting
“Mate, bubba just went rogue in that meeting. He was picking himself and that was that.” he said, adding that “he went fucking nuts when one of the fellas pointed out that he didn’t even play first grade when he was fit”
“I tend to agree with that comment – I remember playing with him the guy was a fucking turnstile with legs.”
Bubba refused to comment on his selection process after training but was seen doing pushups during the team run.