Eight hours before kick off against the spoon-favourite Brisbane Broncos tonight, and the South Sydney Rabbitohs have only just found out who their coach will be for the next fortnight.

This comes as Wayne Bennett is stood down by the NRL for a period of two weeks on ‘COVID Hold’ after breaching the NRL’s strict bio-security rules by dining at a Leichhardt restaurant for lunch yesterday.

Bennett had admitted he had dined at Grappa with his misso but claimed he thought that it was within the rules that govern the bubble, that he drafted up, as part of that whole Project Apollo thing that saved the entire 2020 NRL season.

However, following an investigation by the NRL, it became clear that Bennett’s claims of doing nuthin wrong was not the case and the former copper turned coaching maestro will be watching his Bunnies take on his previous team from the confines of his own home tonight

The South Sydney Rabbitohs board have to had to scramble since this decision to find a fill-in coach, who has been isolating for the last fortnight and can do it on the cheap.

After all limited options were exhausted, it became clear that the club’s owner, Hollywood star Russell Crowe would step up and buoy the boys. In turn, achieving his lifelong dream of trying out a few of the plays he’s been thinking about over the years.

Arriving at Redfern Oval from his remote Coffs Harbour property today, the players looked up to see an eager Rusty with a lit B&H Smooth hanging from his mouth, ready to run some drills.

“Oh no. Oh please God no” whispered Rabbitohs hooker, Damien Cook.

“Ahh shit. Uncs here” muttered Latrell.

Russell was in no mood for the second-guessing.

“Oi boys, what we do in life echoes in eternity!” he shouted.

“On the try line now Gentlemen!”

“You owe me 1,000 push-ups and 1,000 suicides before you can play!”

At time of press, Rabbitohs medical staff were calling board members in a panic – as key members of the squad began going down with possible career ending injuries as a result of Rusty making them run the ‘train-tracks’ tackling drill for two hours straight with no water, while reciting Al Pacino’s Peace By Inches speech from Any Given Sunday.


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