WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT
In some shocking news from the harbour city of Sydney, the NRL has announced a bold new strategy to ensure they get back on the field by May 28.
The game’s governing body has today sensationally sacked it’s biosecurity experts responsible for the groundbreaking program to play the sport amidst the coronavirus crisis, and decided to simply hire the Anti-Vax Wives of the NRL.
The move comes after a growing number of NRL players who get paid hundreds of thousands of dollars to play a child’s game refuse to take the standard flu shot in a stance against big pharma, or medical freedom, or some shit like that.
“Yes, we have decided that the Wives and Girlfriends of Rugby League players, who have leveraged their boyfriend’s fleeting profiles to garner a middling Instagram following, know far more than medical professionals who have dedicated their entire lives to a certain field,” explained an NRL spokesperson today.
“We all know that scientists are irrational people who are far more prone to push agendas in the face of all evidence than normal people who watched YouTube videos and read Facebook posts.”
“So we’ve decided to sack them, because these WAGS know better than 99% of the population, as they are highly trained immunologists.”
“And they have their hubbies best interests at heart, by protecting him from a flu shot that’s going to do far more damage than colliding with other blokes at full speed and rattling their brains thousands of times over a few short years.”
It’s not known if the WAGS are indeed aware of the fact that over a million people are out of work or losing work around the country, and heaven and earth has been moved to allow their partners to play sport for a very very lucrative living and a small flu shot might not be that big of a compromise in the scheme of things.
It’s believed the WAGS will begin their roles in charge of Project Apollo as early as next week.
More to come.
