As the fallout from the damning report into the culture of racism at Collingwood continues, Eddie McGuire has today moved to quickly set things right.

The decades-long boss of the club at the centre of the majority of racism scandals in the AFL revealed that he is going to be leaning on an old mate to get him out of this pickle.

“We at Collingwood are pleased to announce that Sam Newman will be joining the club to lead our new Racial Harmony Initiative and our Cultural Pathways Program,” said McGuire today.

“But I just must quickly say what I said yesterday.”

“Despite this report finding that we have a deep and entrenched culture of appaling racism, we are not a racist club, and we don’t have racist people in our organisation.”

McGuire then explained that Newman will begin by implementing his traditional policy of dealing with accusations of racism, by telling people to stop being sooks and harden up.

“Sam has decades of experience dealing with accusations of racism, and he’s great at saying he’s not, and telling people to have a cup of cement because they are offended by the things he says and does,” continued McGuire.

“And that fits in perfectly with our club culture.”

“So it’s a great move for us moving forward I think.”


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