RICK MOSS | Indigenous Rugby League Specific Editor | CONTACT

Following Labor’s third election loss to a third seperate Liberal Prime Minister – power-brokers within the ALP are today turning to the only man with a proven ability to foster a winning culture.

Labor National President, former Treasurer Wayne Swan, has confirmed this evening that the battle-weary ALP has employed the services of NSW State Of Origin coach Brad ‘Freddy’ Fittler.

“We have seen bigger spells of winless misery than what we have seen in the Labor Party since Rudd’s retirement” says Swan.

“But you have to admit, it’s starting to get ridiculous. We are short price favourites every year but still find a way to lose the fucking thing”

“The current ALP, as it stands, is very similar to the NSW Blues side between 2006 and 2014… and we know there’s only one man that can turn this kind of heartbreak into eternal glory”

Labor executives says this decision wasn’t made lightly, but ultimately could not ignore the parallels between the Abbott, Turnbull and Morrison governments and the eight-in-a-row era Maroons squad.

“Obviously, the fact that Queenslanders love them unconditionally would be the most notable similarity” Deputy Leader and potential replacement of Bill Shorten, Tanya Plibersek MP.

“That, and the Liberals are actually quite entertaining to watch”

In Fittler’s new contract with the ALP, he will be given a two-year probationary contract to find a frontbench of charismatic and talented Kooris with the ability to outperform even the most seasoned Liberal journeymen.

Fittler says he reckons he might be able to do it, although the big difference will be the lack of diversity in the ALP at a grassroots level, as opposed to rugby league’s vast supply of a number of superstars from a range of different geographical, ethnic and socio-economic backgrounds.

“She’s pretty pale, stale and male, mate” said Fittler.

“I’ll see what I can do”

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