A Kiwi mate has finally re-integrated into society after three days of complete silence.

Local wool auctioner, Nelson Plymouth (30) came into last week with a puffed up chest. But an unlucky series of events appear to have quite severely humbled him.

In fact, he’s still not talking, and has only today unmuted his group chats are a self-imposed sabbatical.

The self-imposed sabbatical is somewhat of a rite-of-passage in New Zealander culture, with Kiwis disappearing from the public eye after a long run of stressful sporting events.

In 2012, All Blacks superstar Richie McCaw took six months off rugby as the physical and mental strain began to take an effect on his performance as captain of the most winningest team in sporting history.

McCaw activated a clause in his New Zealand Rugby Union contract which allowwed him to take a break, making him not available for the Crusaders or the All Blacks for 6 months in between world cups. Among others, fellow All Black Dan Carter is also another example of a Kiwi taking a self-impost sabbatical to boost his sporting career.

However, after last weekend, it seems it’s the fans of New Zealand sport who are now taking sabbaticals.

With the Warriors going down to the Panthers in the NRL, The All Blacks going down to the French hosts in the Rugby World Cup, and Stylebender losing on points to some loudmouth American hick in the UFC on Sunday, the Kiwi mates in every friendship circle have fuck all to say for themselves.

When asked what he got up to on his Richie McCaw-style sabbatical, Nelson says he basically did all the stuff that Kiwis do when they aren’t watching or playing sport.

“Yeah not much bro” he said.

“Just spent a bit of time with my glider planes”

“Listened to a bit of Lorde”

“whipped up an L&P and pavlova spider.”


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here