Following a noticeable flutter of off-season scandals in the Australian Football League, Australian budget airline Jetstar has come to the rescue for any technologically illiterate AFL stars that might need to get the fuck out of town indefinitely.

This follows the AFL’s absolute pearler of a week, that has included cocaine, sex and rock n roll. As millennial footballers now come to terms with the fact that everything they do online can and will come back to haunt them, if it’s juicy enough.

Jetstar are offering specials on one-way flights to remote airports in the Russian wilderness, for any AFL stars who are at risk of being castrated by their betrayed partners.

For just $1400 one-way, AFL stars can completely avoid being Lorena Bobbited by just disappearing, maybe forever.

A spokesperson for Jetstar says the special deal is modelled off the NRL damage control template which sees stars sent overseas for rehab and therapy within hours of any given incident.

“Forget the drug tests. Forget the cranky missus. Jump on one of our special iMessage deals to Siberia today!” reads the new billboard in South Adelaide today.

“You’ll be wearing fur hats and ice fishing withing 24 hours!”


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