As reported yesterday, another former-great Australian sport star has spun off the rails.

Initially thought to be a legendary case of a party boy carrying on a bit too much, we have since learnt that it is more of a sad case of a broken man with mental health issues and substance dependancy.

Despite the much darker context that has since been given to Grant Hackett’s Gold Coast arrest yesterday, the media has still made a point of trying to predatorily ply as much information as possible about the former Olympian’s breakdown, from both his parents and friends.

However, some experts are saying that Grant Hackett’s most recent episode isn’t even that bad, for someone who spent 90% of his formative adult years face-down, short of breath and staring at a never-ending black line in complete silence.

Ben Cousins, the ‘original bad boy of the AFL’ turned the ‘original sorry story of the AFL’ – gave comment to the Betoota Advocate about what its like to fall from grace.

“Mate, we all know what my problem was… But Jesus I feel sorry for these poor swimmers”

“Huegill with the weight gain, Thorpey with the nightclubs… It’s gotta be a tough life when you spent your entire young adulthood facing the bottom of a 50 x 20 metre container of chemicals”

“If I had that kind of upbringing I’d be doing much worse. If you can even imagine that”

Andrew ‘Joey’ Johns, the less-fucked-up East Coast version of Ben Cousins and NRL immortal has also given comment.

“Mate growing up as a swimmer would be like living in your mother’s womb until your 30”

“These poor pricks spent so much time alone. I reckon we cut the poor buggers some slack and just let them try and get over their horrible upbringings”

“Just give the bloke a wide-framed pair of Bailey Nelsons to cover up the black eye and let him get on with life”

“Fuck me they must have some head noises”



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