ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

As the current situation in Adelaide worsens, Australians from all walks of life are looking to retired Test great Mike Hussey to get us out of the impending Test defeat at the hands of India this afternoon.

Hussey, now a happy-go-lucky and overly polite commentator for Fox Sports, has been watching the match from the commentary box where he has been providing quality insights into the game as well as responding well to Adam Gilchrist’s droll jibes.

But the nation needs something more from him, says millions of cricket fans around the country.

“He has to get the creams back on,” says Phil, a Betoota Heights man who has somehow found the time to sneak 6 schooners into his Monday afternoon.

“It’s the only way we’re going to get out of this one.”

Phil’s sentiments were echoed by Wanda Pears, who The Advocate spoke to after randomly dialling a number from the payphone out the front of the newsroom.

The Albany homemaker said that Mike’s track record in Adelaide and his love of being an uneven track bully are the ingredients the Aussies need in their victory cake today.

“Who’s going to save us now? Who’s going to score the runs? Pat Cummins?” she asked our reporter rhetorically.

“You’d be better off putting a tray of Matthew Hayden’s tuna bake out in the middle and throwing a pint of Bill Lawry’s syrupy first piss of the day on top of it!”

Confused by the West Australian’s metaphor, our reporter elected to hang up on Wanda then jam a paddle pop stick in the payphone’s coin slot so nobody else could use it.

More to come.


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