In some sad news from across the dutch, our cute but dorky little cousins from the remote island state of New Zealand are having a bit of a rough time.

After a few years of benefiting from World Rugby’s secret global plan to ensure their dominance, the tiny nation of New Zealand is once again playing like they only have a population of 5 million people.

This follows a third consecutive loss for their rugby team, with the All Blacks going down after an incredibly dismal performance in South Africa.

Just weeks after succumbing to Ireland on home soil, the All Blacks were completely dominated by a Springbok side that doesn’t even know how to play rugby and actually treats the game like a hybrid CrossFit and kicking competition.

Despite being the best team the world has ever seen, the All Blacks only managed to score 3 points in 77 minutes of football, before the Boks allowed them to get a late consolation try to stop them from calling for an investigation into the refereeing.

That loss has apparently seen the New Zealand Prime Minister threaten to revoke the citizenship of the team’s players and coaching staff, with the nation now in a severe recession.

While the powers at be are desperately trying to figure out how to return to the glory days where it was illegal to penalise an All Blacks player, the nation’s fans are deciding to lean into a long-running narrative – that they are only a tiny nation of 5 million people.

“Aw, come awn, we’re only a tiny nation of like 5 mullion people,” said local Christchurch man Richie Barrett.

“Utz not fear thet you guys expect uz to be as good as you giants,” continued the man whose rugby team is playing like they come from a nation of only 5 million people.

“We punch above our weight alright.”

It’s believed the classic excuse that always gets trotted out when they lose cricket and soccer is now being used across the nation and Australia, as New Zealand grapples with the fact that they might not be the greatest and most humble team in human history anymore.

More to come.


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