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The leading economic drain on the Betoota Dolphins has confirmed this week that he is now pretty much just asking the club physiotherapist to turn him into a mummy.

The club veteran who always has a bit to say about the latest batch of colts, made the admission after clicking the clubs strapping tape bill over $500 before the final pre-season trial had even finished.

The ageing Peter Hinchcliffe (32) who’s played over 150 games for the Club (mostly in 3rd Grade) explained that it’s gotten to the point now where they may as well just wrap his whole body in bandages before he runs out onto the field.

“It used to be just the two shoulders, left knee, right ankle, both wrists and right thumb, but I’ve picked up a few more injuries of the last couple of years,” said the warhorse who seems to be genuinely under the impression the club would fold if he didn’t punish his body every single week.

“I may as well just ask them to perform the Egyptian mummification process on me know,” said the backrower who should really be paying the physio for the hour of work she has to do on him every week.

“Anyway, it’s all worth it for a couple of cold tins on the hill and the weekly chance to tell some of the opposition colties to get a hair cut.”

However, the Dolphins physiotherapy team confirmed that they don’t hold the same opinion as Hinchcliffe.

“Um, no. He should retire immediately,” explained head physio Alice Wilson.

“We draw straws on who has to strap him each week, but that aside, he won’t be able to walk when he’s fifty already, and he seems to wear it like a badge of honour.”

“Besides, they’ve gotta sell roughly 50 sausage sandwiches each week to accommodate the financial cost of strapping him.”

More to come.

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