EFFIE BATEMAN Lifestyle Contact

A group of very silly sausages have last weekend flown too close to the sun, which has resulted in a domino effect of waterworks.

Woo girls Allie, Cherise and Steph (all 24) are currently in the ‘heavy parting phase’ on their journey into being adults, enjoying a life of no responsibilities, disposable incomes and the ability to still feel the dizzyingly euphoric effects of MDMA.

But like most adults who have gone through that phase, the terrible trio have yet to come to the conclusion that eventually, the horrific comedowns just aren’t fucking worth it – especially when roughly ten hours of partying results in up to three days of feeling like dog shit.

Despite buying six caps to share between themselves, the girls have also done the one thing everyone knows they shouldn’t do but ends up doing anyway, and buying shit from random people in the smoker’s area.

Progressing to four caps deep per person as they enthusiastically agree to kickons at some friend of DJ’s place out in the inner city suburbs, the girls had naively thought they’d have a good time. And though they made the wise decision to not do any more drugs after 3am, each could not outrun the dark, freezing tendrils of a comedown, which they slowly felt creeping into their veins.

Allie was the first to break down, having decided that one of the blokes at the party had ‘rejected her’, because she’s ‘fucking ugly.’ (Nobody ever said this, of course).

“Guys”, Allie sobbed, reaching to whoever was nearest, “nobody wants me.”

“I don’t think I’m pretty enough.”

“I hate my tits.”

Just fifteen minutes later, Cherise is swept up in her own misery.

“I think I like Dave a lot more than he likes me and it hurts so much guys”, she cries referring to her boyfriend, “he never makes any effort and I just feel so unwanted.”

Steph, who’d been doing pretty well the entire time, is unfortunately no match for a comedown either.

“Sometimes I feel like you guys like each other more and I’m just THERE.”

“Like if I died you guys wouldn’t actually care that much.”

“Omg no Steph we love you, of course not.”

“Awww Stephie no babe.”

More to come.


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