MONTY BENFICA | Amusements | CONTACT
Local straight guy Lachlan Moore (33) has reluctantly agreed to join his friends at the Mardi Gras parade – as long as he isn’t swarmed by drooling gay men fawning over him, as he fully expects could happen.
The 33-year-old suburban man has never been to a Mardi Gras parade before, despite living in Sydney his entire life. He says he looks forward to the cultural experience but admits he does have some trepidation.
“Like, I’m totally happy to go and have a good time, but I just want everyone there to know I don’t swing that way – not that there’s anything wrong with people that do, of course,” Lachlan explained.
Lachlan, a 5’10” mildly overweight man with a receding hairline, believes he might be something of a boy-magnet once he steps onto the streets of Darlinghurst, despite being able to count on one hand how many times he’s been hit on by a woman.
His suspicions stem from an incident last year when he was clubbing in the city and found himself sharing a smoking section with a group of gay men.
“They kept coming up to me and asking if they could use my lighter.”
“I know it seems innocent, but they were for sure cracking on to me. You had to be there to understand,” Lachlan affirmed.
Lachlan vehemently denies that he gets a slight ego boost simply from the thought of gay men cracking on to him.
“I don’t swing that way! I told you already! I just want to have a fun Mardi Gras without being swarmed.”
The 28-year-old has confirmed that while he will be attending, he will be dressing in the most bland, muted clothing possible and avoiding any glitter, slutty accessories, or bright colours, in an attempt to signal his straightness to others at the parade.
