KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT
A local tradie is the butt of every joke on a worksite today after attempting to give a shit about his digestive health.
Having spent the last year battling a range of digestive issues, including having to face an unfortunate case of IBS on a recent first date, The Advocate understands local labourer Kane Nutley (32) has begun 2023 on a quest to fix his queasy guts.
A bloke who usually stops by a bakery or a servo on the days when he’s forgotten to pack some lunch, it’s believed today Kane took the advice of his dietician and chose a healthier option, purchasing an $18 Salmon Poke bowl from an overpriced food court on Pratt Street in the CBD.
Now perched upon his lunchtime throne, a broken milk crate, witnesses say Kane copped an almighty hiding from a range of high-vis coworkers who probably could do with a review of their own personal diet.
“Enjoying ya rabbit food mate?” piped up his supervisor Craig, a man who hasn’t eaten a green vegetable since Christmas and has an unfortunate case of gout to prove it.
“Didn’t you ever watch The Simpsons growing up, ya don’t make friends with salad!”, he chortled.
“Or did you accidentally pick up your girlfriend’s lunch by accident,” laughed fellow scaffolder Tyson Henry, a heavy set mate who was taking another bite from his king sized sausage roll which had been sitting in a 7/11 pie warmer since midnight.
Looking around at the community of comedians all taking their chance to pot shot his lunch, Kane decided he’d just wear the torrential rinsing and be thankful that he’d no doubt be having a better time squeezing one out in the portaloo later on.
“Yeah nice one boys, it’s actually not that bad,” replied Kane, attempting to chew through a tough piece of kale drenched in miso marinade.
“Mate I’ll bring my compost bucket for you to eat tomorrow, it’ll probably be cheaper!” cooed Craig, determined to have the last laugh.
“You got some carrot sticks for dessert?”