ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

CELESTE ‘CECE’ CARTER ALWAYS opens with the same line.

“You know, I have a son about your age,” she’d say to some unsuspecting young ringer in a fresh striped shirt his mother bought him for the trip down to the coast.

“Oh yes! My youngest son wants to go to Newcastle Waters! Do you know anybody there? It’d be so nice of you if you could put in a good word for him. He can’t ride a horse, but that’s not important,”

“Let me buy you a drink for all your trouble, you handsome young man.”

And that’s how she does it. The bar staff know it. Security knows it. His mates know it – even former Helen Springs head stockman Lincoln Humphries knows it.

For a number of years now, the 28-year-old Maroochydore-native has fallen under the spell of many white-jean-wearing cougars at the Mooloolaba Surf Club, who stand at the door to the petite smoking area like a pack of komodo dragons at the high water mark waiting for the tide to recede.

“They always ask me for a smoke as I’m heading out the door to the round yard, which is what we call the smoking area down the club because it’s tiny and they jam always you in there with bullocks if you know what I mean,” he said.

“We like to ‘draft’ the folk coming in and out of the door using our ringer lingo. Yelling things like ‘spay’ or ‘bush’ or ‘truck’ or something to that description. But yeah mate, that’s where they get you. In the smoking area,”

“Basically, the first time Cece got her claws in me, she bought me a few VCRs [vodka, coke and raspberry cordial]- next thing I know, she’s giving me a hickey in the pokie room while I’m getting features out of Pelican Pete like it’s nobody’s business,”

“Last thing I remember is trying to get my key in the door at the Nautilus in more ways than one, if you catch my drift.” he said.

Management at the Surf Club has said that while they want everybody to have the time of their lives while at the venue, they want all young bovine retrieval specialists to know the risks posed by 50-year-old divorcees in white jeans.


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