LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
After nine years of being blamed for the subpar wealth and asset management of upper class men several generations their elder, local Millennial Issy Brennan (30) popped down to their local cafe today to toast to Albo with a toast and avo.
Brennan is one of a generation of young people who are unable to purchase a home of their own due to increased cost of living, stagnant wages, and property prices so high they make NFTs look like a sound investment.
As a result, Brennan and her friends often partook in weekly brunches where popular dishes included charcoal pancakes, Debby Harry Donuts, and the modern Australian classic, the smashed avocado on toast.
A humble creation made from the violent act of smashing green avocado flesh with some feta, herbs, and nuts on toast, the smashed avocado or avocado smash came under fire when boomer columnists realised young people were eating at the same venues as them, a wealthy property owner.
After various hit pieces blaming Millenials overblown breakfast budgets for their lack of homeownership, the avocado smash ended up becoming the biggest edible political statement since Sam Dastyari wouldn’t shut the fuck up about Halal Snack Packs.
Despite the fact that Millenials had nothing to do with the extreme inflation of house prices that saw them locked out of the market, many felt that it was dangerous to be seen eating avocado smash in public lest they be told off by some monolingual rednose who thinks Peter Dutton is a massive lefty.
Throughout all this heated discussion in comment sections that were a waste of electricity, the LNP government stood by, refusing to do anything to make housing more affordable beyond suggesting parents chip in and people get better jobs.
But with Albo now the Prime Minister, Issy and the gals are heading down to their local cafe and splashing $28 on a smashed avo like they own the place.
“Thanks Albo,” said Issy as she ate her edible mortgage payment.
“You know what the best part is? I have avocado and toast at home! Suck it Scumo!”
MORE TO COME.