LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
Taylor Swift just earned herself a couple of fresh streams as a relationship ended in the Betoota Flight Path district earlier today.
The relationship is reported to be ended by local tennis instructor Claudia Kinglsey (27), who wanted to make it clear to The Advocate that she dumped her partner of four years Riley Tompkins (29) because he couldn’t commit and not the other way around.
“Whatever, if he thinks right now is a good time to start an political Aussie hip hop troupe we probably shouldn’t be together,” stated Kingsley in her first honest assessment of the man she once called her boyfriend in years.
“I’ll download the dating apps eventually, just need to make some space on my phone…think I know what photos I’ll be deleting.”
Luckily for Kingsley, a loyal shoulder for her to cry on remains in the form of her childhood best friend Alice Beyer (28) who has been low-key ready to rag on ‘Riles Dog’ Tompkins for at least a couple of years.
“You’re worth ten of him,” stated Beyer, who by now thinks her mate is worth at least a million of blokes who know how to wash a dirtbike but not the dishes.
“I’m here and you can talk to me about everything, I mean anything, you can talk to me about everything – anything!”
“…Everything. Tell me everything.”
Beyer then listened as her dear friend filled her in on some of the juicier goss from her freshly severed relationship, ready to jump in with her own opinion the moment it seemed appropriate for her to give Riles Dog a serve as well.
“Yeah, it would’ve been nice if he gave you just a crumb of the attention he gave his flat cap collection. Seriously, how many of those did he have?”
In a celebration of sisterhood, Beyer then initiated a search for any flat caps Riles Dog left behind, a box of matches and a tin of lighter fluid in either hand.