ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

The shoes are off and the Austar IQ is working double time.

Brenda Matthews is ‘fucking’ done for the day.

Four ice-cubes clang against the tempered glass of her chardonnay chalice as the 21-year-old* spoke to our reporter through the screen door of her rendered brick four-bedroom McMansion in Betoota Heights this afternoon.

From all accounts, the popular high school principal has had an absolute ‘cunt of a week’ and she’s glad to see the back of it.

However, as a working mother of three, her responsibilities, unfortunately, didn’t end when she pointed her late model Land Rover Freelander 2 toward the car park gate at South Betoota Sports High around 5pm today – they ended when dinner was on the table.

“You’d be fucked if I’d ever had a weekday off from making dinner,” she said, shortly before asked for a drag on our reporters lit JPS Blue.

“My man is probably putting the Magnetic Island holiday fund through Big Red somewhere and my kids are probably cutting the end of a neighbour’s hose. I don’t care,”

“But the common denominator in all of their behaviours is that they’ll be hungry when they finally get back to the over-capitalised bogan bordello. So on the way home, I pulled up at the shops and got a prepackaged Greek salad and two kilos of frozen lasagne. Dinner is sorted.”

The Advocate reached out to one of Principal Matthews’ sons, but he was otherwise engaged.

He explained that he’d be happy to talk to us after he was done ripping cones under his friend’s grandma’s North Betoota Queenslander.

Brenda’s husband is currently under arrest from DUI and is due to be released before dinner.

More to come.


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