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At age twenty seven, you’d think Lauren Howe would have outgrown the need to binge drink herself into oblivion every weekend.
However, after recently calling off her engagement to her childhood sweetheart, Lauren has been given somewhat of a new lease on life, as her future plans of settling down and buying a home have suddenly been quashed.
In some ways, Lauren is only now going through the rite of passage she should have completed in her late teens, which involves drinking cheap bottles of wine entirely to herself, getting into the party scene, and falling in love with guys who use Snapchat and Instagram as a primary form of communication. All of which has been heavily documented on social media channels for her horrified family members to see.
It’s alleged Lauren hit an all time low one Friday evening, when she made the mistake of being alone with her thoughts for more than five minutes. This of course, unfortunately, lined up with the peak loneliness hour of 11 pm, which is known as the ‘pitiful mourning time of reflection for single women.’
Downing an entire bottle of $8 sparkling rose, it’s reported Lauren quickly dulled herself into a drunken stupor after watching Tik Tok videos for three hours straight, which led to her waking up at 3 am with a mouth as dry as the Sahara desert.
Having nothing on her nightstand but the week old stagnant water she used to house her retainers, Lauren quickly quelled her thirst at the sake of her dignity and vowed to never touch a bottle of wine again.
More to come.