As the different states around Australia begin to hit exciting milestones in the jab roll-out, the attention is now turning to the worrying variable within the population who aren’t interested in immunisation.

While some Australians are medically exempt, or ideologically opposed – there is also a large demographic of people who just haven’t been fucked.

There’s also a fair few people who don’t like the idea of lining up like a fuckwit to get something sharp put in their arm.

While the small numbers of staunch anti-vaxxers have made it clear that they’ll be sitting this one out – it’s the ‘can’t be fucked’ and ‘I don’t like needles’ crowd that will make the difference in the effort to get to 90%.

With the government’s dismal advertising campaigns around the roll-out verging on comically shithouse, the onus has now fallen on individuals to do the heavy lifting to get these (mostly) blokes on board.

While the hot primary teacher at the kids school has a proven strike rate when it comes communicating these health messages with complacent men, there has also been great success with grandmothers who want to get Christmas organised.

However, no one has more influence over politically disengaged Australian men than the no-nonsense small business owners dishing out chiko rolls and pre-heated wing dings out the front of worksites around the country.

In Betoota’s light industrial Flight Path District this afternoon, local smoko van lady Carolyn Hinze (56) is putting on a masterclass of public health messaging.

“You boys got ya jabs yet?” she asks the tradesmen currently lining up for their daily fix of high salt and high sugar goodness.

“If not, can ya put on a mask at least??”

At least 30% of the worksite make it clear they haven’t gotten their jabs, with at least 5% of them appearing confused as to what a jab even is.

“Haha what’s wrong with you lot??” Carolyn says to the can’t-be-fuxxers.

“Surely you bloke aren’t scared of needles haha?”

The crowd begins to rumble, before she deals the knock out blow.

“I thought you blokes would be familiar with small pricks”

The entire worksite erupts into laughter, as Carolyn holds her finger and thumb an inch apart, indicating something small.

The unvaxxed tradesmen are red in the face, while the other blokes tickle their ribs and tell them to man up.

At time of press, the Betoota Base Hospital had booked in 13 need jab appointments for next Thursday, timed perfectly so that the boys can call in sick with a fever on the Friday.


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