EFFIE BATEMAN Lifestyle Contact

All five residents of a Betoota Ponds sharehouse have this week been forced to play a game of ‘surprise rectal exam roulette, due to a stingy roommate maliciously complying with ‘his turn’ to buy the household essentials, it’s reported.

This system, which has worked relatively well until now, involves the roommates taking turns to buy communal items such as soap, olive oil, dishwasher detergent and toilet paper, with the latter being one of the most common points of contention in the household.

Whether it’s leaving an empty roll on the holder, prematurely moving onto the next roll to avoid changing the holder, or just straight up chucking the rolls on the floor, there often tends to be some kind of toilet paper related drama happening at any given time – but this time, it’s escalated.

A member of the sharehouse told The Advocate that an incident occurred at roughly 12am last night, just a mere few hours after the notable cheapskate of the household had done the shopping – with reports that even a bloodcurdling scream could be heard ringing through Daroo street.

“It’s all fucking Tom’s fault”, alleges Skye, “he makes more money than all of us but he’s a fucking tightass.”

“He’ll buy the worst quality items to save a dollar, which is fine if it’s just olive oil or hand soap.”

“But he ended up buying bog rolls with the density of tracing paper.”

“Poor Mitch accidentally ended up fingering his asshole in the middle of the night.”

“It was his first time too.”

More to come.


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