Because you’re reading this and you need to be reminded we’ll say it again; these past six or seven years have been a trifle of fear, conflict, financial stress, death, misinformation and a pretty general sense that not only is humanity doomed, but rightfully deserves to be.

But good on you for making it to this point in the cacophony even if you look at the world around you sometimes and can’t recognise a single familiar thing.

One thing that did go the way of the Dodo, Thylacine and OneTel appears to be the Boycott Halal in Australia group who were certain muslims were going to ruin the world before Donald Trump, Covid and Vladimir Putin actually did.

Back in 2014, a simpler time when a raw onion had not been eaten by a Prime Minister on camera, the thing that some Australians were getting worked up about was halal certifications.

A Facebook group called Boycott Halal In Australia attracted nearly 100,000 members who wanted to end the practice of certifying some meat products as halal as they believed it funded terrorism (it didn’t). Although halal certification only applies to meat, these activists were known to accuse coffee companies, pharmaceutical goods and even sunscreen of being halal certified.

The group even petitioned anti-immigration PM Tony Abbott who publicly declined their petition, as did Mark Latham although no one really asked him.

Despite being too crook for the arguably most racist PM since White Australia, not to mention Latham’s fat arse, the anti halal group continued up until about six or so years ago when dog whistling went mainstream and other hectic shit started happening too.

“Some of them became anti-vaxxers I know that for sure,” stated one former halal boycotter who remained anonymous due to an Australian flag wrapped around their head.

“I caught up with a few at a pro-Russia protest a few months ago and we were eating Four and Twenty pies, totally forgetting how we used to call them [redacted] pig [redacted] on their Facebook comments every day. Here we were, halal forgotten, just enjoying a pie.”

“I think too many of us went anti cancel culture and it sort of made us realise that what we were doing could be seen as that by the [redacted] woke left, if they can even see through their soy glasses.”

“Plus the Proud Boys just take up soooo much of my time these days! Drag queens are the new muslims now, growth is possible if you have an open mind.”

“Bet that quote is lost on a lot of people.”

“Write that bit down too.”



Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here