A 33 year study by the Betoota Bureau of Statistics has concluded that almost all supermarket grade loose leaf tea is purchased in error.

Originating in China in 2737 BC, tea is a refreshing hot beverage made from the dried leaves of a tea tree, often consumed with milk, on its own, or straight from the packet as a dare.

In the USA in 1908 tea was revolutionised with the invention of the tea bag which did away with the fuss of tea strainers which is fair to assume was only ever emptied and cleaned by mums.

In the over 100 years since tea bags were invented loose leaf tea continues to endure, purchased by teenagers who want to pretend they have weed and divorcees who already own every type of candle.

However, 91% of all loose leaf tea purchases made at supermarkets are done in error when some silly duffer wasn’t looking properly and didn’t realise until they got home.

“That’s why it was on bloody special!” cursed Kathleen McInes (54) after opening a 250g box of loose leaf earl grey tea.

“Aaah, I’ll pop it in the cupboard as back up.”

What McInes was not aware of is that the report by the BBS makes mention of the 82% of carelessly purchased loose leaf tea that is kept for emergencies is never used, disposed of only when moving house or in the event of the owner’s death.

“Oh. I’m not planning on moving again…Oh dear.”

More to come.


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